And so ends Day One of the Hunt family cruise. And so begins ya’all’s opportunity to read all of my ridiculous ramblings and reflections on the crazy world of cruising. It’s no secret that I have some serious misgivings about participating in a cruise, but I have decided to make the most of it—and part of that involves including you in processing what I observe. I hope you don’t mind.
A few snapshots from the day: a lounge singer with the all-too-stereotypical long, slicked back black hair covering ACDC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long” on his acoustic guitar (followed immediately after by Cat Stevens’ “Father and Son”), three crew members and a Lumberjack (who shows up later in our story) performing choreographed dances as we board the ship, this same lumberjack (who is British, incidentally) dancing around the pool, handing out beers to other dancers and identifying to the rest of the ship (yelling into his handheld mic) all of the dancers he perceives to be drunk (it might just be his favorite word), and my cousin competing in a dance-off for a free facial and shave—which he lost, by the way.
If that hasn’t sold you already on the idea of a cruise, I really don’t know what could. I mean, seriously, can you get more entertaining than that? The fact that what I find entertaining has nothing to do with any of the actual scheduled entertainment is irrelevant.
I have learned some important things about cruising on my first day. While there have been a number of lesser lessons, most of them really fall under the same umbrella: going on a cruise is like going to summer camp. I mean, where else do staff herd their eager participants in through long check in lines and room assignments with over-the-top enthusiasm, ear to ear grins and dancing? If you’ve ever worked a summer as a camp counselor, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Even the staff:participant ratio is similar—I swear there must be a crew member for every 4 cruisers. I’m sure the American Camping Association would approve. They have song leaders who teach otherwise normal individuals how to perform hand (and hip!) motions to songs immediately regressing them to the days of summer camp lore (and quite possibly sending some secret code to extra terrestrials in the process). In fact, today there were two song leaders—british lumberjack included—who’s only responsibility was to get people dancing—and they even had several individuals who’s only responsibility was to dance in the crowd! Summer camp. I secretly found myself envious of their jobs. Okay, let’s be honest: it wasn’t so secret at all. I want their job. I’m pretty sure it may be my calling. If only I wasn’t so stinking anxious in front of large groups of strangers. Hmmm . . .
Another element of Summer Camp-dom emulated by cruise ships: competition. We all get these little “activity cards” where we get points for participating in competitive events on ship like pub quiz or shuffleboard (yes, that’s right, people do actually play shuffleboard on the deck of the ship). At the end of the cruise we can qualify for “exciting souvenirs” depending on how many points we’ve accumulated. Sound like summer camp cabin competitions where cabins compete with each other over the course of the week to earn points from things like cabin clean up? Yup. I thought so, too (except I’d really rather win the Golden Dustpan than a pack of Norwegian Cruise Lines playing cards). One other such competition involved my cousin in a dance-off this afternoon with 3 other men competing for a free facial and shave. Nick made it to the dance-off finals, the elimination round if you will, and while he didn’t win the facial, the guy who did win bought Nick a beer.
Interruption: the lounge singer just switched from a Beatles tribute to “What a Wonderful World” and a handful of ladies in the 80s dance party in the next room over just started yelling. It’s after 10pm. This is such a strange place.
Another thing like summer camp: the staff all really seem like they’re having a good time. Maybe they’re not, but if so, they are damn good actors. I imagine the staff of our ship like the staff from Dirty Dancing: making the new girl carry watermelons through random dance parties and other such nonsense—just hopefully no Penny-like “incidents.”
The lounge singer has his mandolin out now and is covering Bruce Springsteen.
Seriously though, we got to see an amazing sunset over the San Juan Islands tonight, and while we can’t see the beautiful Sunshine Coast we’re passing now in the night, tomorrow is the Inside Passage. And for as much as I might find to tease about this surreal cruising subculture, perhaps it is an invitation for me to not take myself so seriously. To embrace my inner song-leader, as it were. We shall see.
And because it had to happen (and I will leave you with this): the lounge singer is now singing “If You Like Pina Coladas.”
